tag:www.calavera.com,2010:/skullblog//1 2010-03-01T18:45:21Z the life and times of the calavera contingent Movable Type 3.33 tag:www.calavera.com,2009:/skullblog//1.1981 2009-12-30T04:15:54Z 2010-03-01T18:45:21Z

today i made my first mortgage payment. 20 years ago i attended my first concert. you could say that i've come a long way. oh yeah, and some old geezer hit my car today as well. it really sucks. but...

kalavinka today i made my first mortgage payment. 20 years ago i attended my first concert. you could say that i've come a long way. oh yeah, and some old geezer hit my car today as well. it really sucks. but my car wasn't damaged much. it's just a small dent. but my dog was in the car with me and he can't be a witness. i wonder about the guy who hit me. i kinda felt like he was trying to get out of it. also, his insurance card was expired but he assured me he has current insurance. now i have to go through the hassle of insurance companies to get my car fixed, lovely! tag:www.calavera.com,2009:/skullblog//1.1979 2009-12-18T03:31:31Z 2010-03-01T06:58:36Z

i had jury duty today. it's the first time i've ever had to report for duty. luckily, i didn't get selected. i didn't even get interviewed. perhaps that will be the next time i have to serve. there were 2...

kalavinka i had jury duty today. it's the first time i've ever had to report for duty. luckily, i didn't get selected. i didn't even get interviewed. perhaps that will be the next time i have to serve. there were 2 computers in the juror waiting room. so besides catching up on my reading, i also did a little facebook gaming. tag:www.calavera.com,2009:/skullblog//1.1991 2009-12-03T06:38:29Z 2010-03-01T06:41:05Z

it's official, the paperwork has closed so the place is mine! i am now officially a homeowner. this wouldn't have been at all possible without the help of my mom, so thank you. i still have to live by some...

kalavinka it's official, the paperwork has closed so the place is mine! i am now officially a homeowner. this wouldn't have been at all possible without the help of my mom, so thank you. i still have to live by some housing association rules but now i can do what i want with my own place. this is just a starter place. there are some things that i'd rather have with a place. i guess that will be for my next move. perhaps in a couple years when the economy is better? maybe... tag:www.calavera.com,2009:/skullblog//1.1980 2009-11-30T04:56:56Z 2010-03-01T06:37:46Z

today was the big day. my relatives came out and helped me move out of my apartment. as of today, i'm in my own condo. not officially mine yet but it's just a matter of days. i was really surprised...

kalavinka today was the big day. my relatives came out and helped me move out of my apartment. as of today, i'm in my own condo. not officially mine yet but it's just a matter of days. i was really surprised that my relatives brought my dog over. i don't think he should be here while we move but what can i do. i thought i would pick him up after we moved everything. i've got my place and my dog. one of my cousins is going to move in with m. i have to start looking or another roommate to help with the bills. i have to put everything away, (find a place or things!). i have to get settled in and buy a bunch of stuff. i have to train the dog. so much work to be done! tag:www.calavera.com,2009:/skullblog//1.1986 2009-11-28T20:23:48Z 2010-03-01T18:40:22Z

the category for this entry should be "loving". last night olive told me that she loved me. i was so surprised. i feel like saying the same but i'm so reserved. i can't allow myself to feel for someone. i...

kalavinka the category for this entry should be "loving". last night olive told me that she loved me. i was so surprised. i feel like saying the same but i'm so reserved. i can't allow myself to feel for someone. i just felt or assumed certain things to the point where i didn't think she was that into me. i had started to let all the little things of how we are different build up and think that we shouldn't date. i thought she wasn't that into relationships. in fact, she had just gone off to her friends on why people shouldn't get married and then i went upstairs to sleep because i was so tired. so i was really surprised when i laid down and she was tucking me in, if you wanna call it that, that she said those magic words. surprised, but in a good way, and it felt so nice to hear her say those words. it's like those words were the magic that broke the chains off my heart and allowed me to start to really feel for her. this morning, she told me about how she recently went to the club that we often go to and the bartender asked her where her girlfriend is. i think people usually assume that of us and we have to say we're just dating, not girlfriends. but this time, my response to the tale was that maybe we already are girlfriends. and that's how today i am officially no longer single. olive is my girlfriend and i'm happy. *joy* i'm surprised it took this long because as we've been dating i've been feeling special things for her and have felt like saying, so are we together now? like when can i update my facebook profile, hahahahhaa. and now i can! tag:www.calavera.com,2009:/skullblog//1.1984 2009-11-22T04:57:35Z 2010-03-01T06:06:52Z

cuddles in his santa outfit i picked up cuddles from olive today and did a little pet shopping. i got him a cat bed (because he's so small) on sale, some food and toys, a leash and collar, a name...

kalavinka
cuddles in his santa outfit i picked up cuddles from olive today and did a little pet shopping. i got him a cat bed (because he's so small) on sale, some food and toys, a leash and collar, a name tag, and a santa outfit. i took him over to a relative's house because they will puppysit him until i move to my new place. i can have pets at my current place but i'm just not home enough. i'm gone too long for work and he's not housebroken. it's an apartment so he doesn't have a way to go outside. i'm sorry but i just can't deal with coming home to piss and crap all over my house and it's too sad for him to be alone so he's off to my relatives who are home and have 3 dogs already. he'll be much happier there. plus, it's just temporary.]]> tag:www.calavera.com,2010:/skullblog//1.1983 2009-11-20T05:36:54Z 2010-02-09T22:41:21Z

presenting mr. cudd e lee, but you may call him cuddles today i went to meet my birthday present from olive, an adorable little puppy roughly 2 months old. i had gone through some names but i didn't want to...

kalavinka
presenting mr. cudd e lee, but you may call him cuddles today i went to meet my birthday present from olive, an adorable little puppy roughly 2 months old. i had gone through some names but i didn't want to settle on a name until i met the little guy. i wanted to be sure the name matched the dog. i had thought about "mr. cudd e lee" and calling the dog "cuddles" but i wasn't sure if it was him. i wanted to meet the dog and see what came to mind, if there was something that was a better fit. once i went to see the dog in person, he was just so damn cuddly that i had to call him cuddles. and so that's how i ended up with this little guy named mr. cudd e lee officially. he's just 3 pounds, so small! i'm not taking him home just yet because i'm away at work too long and that's cruel to a puppy. i've been wanting a dog for so long and i can't believe i finally have one. i'm a "mother" now and it's scary.]]> tag:www.calavera.com,2009:/skullblog//1.1982 2009-11-19T04:48:45Z 2010-02-08T05:23:07Z

birthday girl attempts to pull the sword from the stone this year disneyland has had this promotion that you get to go free for your birthday. i knew about this last year so i signed us up so that me...

kalavinka
birthday girl attempts to pull the sword from the stone this year disneyland has had this promotion that you get to go free for your birthday. i knew about this last year so i signed us up so that me and my ex- could both go for free and we'd each take the day off to go with each other. then my ex- dumped me and one of the things that popped to mind was, "what about disneyland?!". i don't know why i was so hung up on that. maybe because i'm not a disneyland person so me going is like a compromise or sacrifice on my part. like, look what i'm doing for you! anyway, as the year went on, i really didn't feel like going with my ex- anymore. i'd rather go with the girl i'm seeing but she has school and i can't ask her to take off for me. i don't want to throw away a free ticket so i decided to say fuck it and just go to disneyland with my ex-. the day was ok, nothing really memorable. all i wanted was to buy the gay mickey pin so i could wear it to the next gay day and i couldn't find it anywhere. i bet disney stopped making it once they made the gay connection, fuckers. the girl i've been dating got me a puppy for my birthday and i haven't met the little guy yet but i've seen a picture and am contemplating what to name it. so here i am thinking about names and the sad thing is that while we were in line for the small world ride, i got an email from a former supervisor of ours turned friend. (my phone does email.) it was a really sad email. it was long and i could tell that something was wrong because of the typos. then i get to the part where she says she has cancer and is undergoing chemo. god... that's awful. i wish i could visit her. so sad.]]> tag:www.calavera.com,2009:/skullblog//1.1977 2009-11-02T06:03:02Z 2009-11-02T06:17:25Z

...only i didn't know it at the time. this was the night last year that she met him, her cousin's best friend's cousin. they were both living with their girlfriends at the time. now neither of them is. perhaps neither...

kalavinka him, her cousin's best friend's cousin. they were both living with their girlfriends at the time. now neither of them is. perhaps neither of them is in a relationship. about 2 days after they met, they went on their first date. he picked her up at her work for lunch and she never told me about it. i was bitter because she never put up her defenses with that guy, never said hold on, i'm with someone, never said to me, i want to see other people or i think i'm falling for someone. that guy turned out to be such a loser and yet she's still friends with him to this day. november is very special to me because i was born in november. my birthday month was tainted for the longest time. however, today is the first day of november and i'm claiming it back as the month that is rightfully mine. i'm not bitter anymore. i can laugh about it now, somewhat, though mostly it's a sarcastic laugh of how could i have not seen the signs, not noticed it at all. i'm claiming back november because it is mine. it is when i'm happiest. i won't be unhappy any longer this year. i've wasted too much of this year. i finally feel like i got over her only last month. it doesn't mean i still don't care. it doesn't mean i still don't tear up over things. it doesn't mean i don't hurt when she hurts. it just means that i know it's over and i accept it. i'm not bothered anymore that she lied to me and keeps lying to me. it is what it is. she doesn't owe me the truth any longer as a partner. but as a friend i'd like some honesty and i do get that. i'm better now for moving on emotionally. physically i moved into my current apartment, which i always felt was to be a temporary thing, i just didn't know what the next phase in my life would be. perhaps i'm still not sure but i can see glimmers. i have a new job. i'm going to have a new place. i'm dating someone new. she's born in november too. we can celebrate november together. you can write your own misery or your own happiness. i'm done with misery. this goth is gonna be bubbling over with happiness. so instead of being miserable today, i celebrate today. one year ago my life was being rewritten but i didn't know it then. one year ago began the new phase of happiness in my life, though there was misery in the transition.]]> tag:www.calavera.com,2009:/skullblog//1.1978 2009-10-31T05:40:57Z 2010-02-08T05:11:39Z

my costume: soccer bitch i dressed up for halloween at work today. my current department isn't full of the holiday spirit but my old department is. so that's why i was the only one dressed up in my current department...

kalavinka
my costume: soccer bitch i dressed up for halloween at work today. my current department isn't full of the holiday spirit but my old department is. so that's why i was the only one dressed up in my current department and went over to my old department's halloween party. it was at lunch and outdoors. my costume fit the outdoors. i wanted something perverse. i wanted something no one would expect. i dressed as a soccer player. now, for most people this is not striking at all. this wouldn't even be a costume. but for me, it's vastly different from my everyday look. if i was just anyone walking down the street, you wouldn't've realized i was dressed up for halloween. in fact, i bet most people thought i had a soccer game to go to! but for people that know me, it was quite shocking. the funny thing is that the only thing i really had to buy was socks! i had the shorts and the shirt. i needed new athletic shoes so i was going to buy something anyway and of course it was going to be black. i just happened to pick ones with white stripes, much like soccer shoes so that it would work for my costume. then to be in line with looking different from my usual look, i put my hair in pigtails (tied with skull shoelaces though) and wore lighter makeup. true, i did buy some lighter makeup not like i usually wear. i don't know why i bought the eyeshadow. i really don't feel like i'll be wearing that again. so maybe i also only bought that for my costume. i'm gonna have to try to integrate this makeup into my look somehow, hahahaha. at the staff halloween party, the there was a lady wearing roller skates. she said they hurt her feet so she took them off for awhile. i asked if i could try them out, even though they were a size too small for me. i loved roller skating as a kid and i've been itching to try it again as an adult. i made my feet fit into those damn skates! it hurt but i was able to skate. the first few moment were awkward but then it became much easier. if i had on a decent pair that fit, i don't think it would take me very long to get back into the groove. it's quite exciting. then in the evening was a real downer. i was getting ready to go to olive's place when my neighbors upstairs started making a ruckus. they've had the police come over for domestic violence before so i kept my ears perked. i didn't hear any yelling, just like shit was being moved around. then i heard what sounded like glass breaking. somehow i was really overcome with emotion even though i didn't grow up in a domestic violence environment, i felt like i was a child cowering in a corner. once i heard the guy upstairs yell to the woman something like, "go ahead, call the police", i said alright, i will. so i did. i had to look up the police's number and then go through the maze but i started to give the details on the situation, of what little i knew. then they started to take down my details and i really didn't want to, for fear of retaliation, but then just at that moment, the police on the line told me that the woman upstairs was actually calling in the domestic violence situation so i didn't need to leave my information with the police afterall. i was relieved that i didn't have to do that. i was relieved that the woman got the balls to call the police and that she was able to. i was glad that i interpreted the situation correctly and didn't call the police on something frivolous. then i went over to olive's house and really just needed to be held. sad night.]]> tag:www.calavera.com,2009:/skullblog//1.1975 2009-10-25T19:12:31Z 2010-02-12T18:44:27Z

kalavinka tag:www.calavera.com,2009:/skullblog//1.1974 2009-10-24T06:11:20Z 2009-10-29T20:23:57Z

this evening i went to shipwreck with olive and it was the first time either of us have been there. shipwreck is a halloween event at the queen mary, much smaller scale than what goes on in the other amusement...

kalavinka this evening i went to shipwreck with olive and it was the first time either of us have been there. shipwreck is a halloween event at the queen mary, much smaller scale than what goes on in the other amusement parks in southern california. i was really looking forward to this as the queen mary is a beautiful ship with its art deco decor. that's why i'm a bit sad they didn't fully utilize the setting. most of the mazes on the ship took place in the bowels, which may be scary, but it's damn hot in there and each maze then begins to feel the same. outside was a clown maze (super lame, you could see everything happening) and a vampire maze (line too long, didn't go through it). there was also food and dancing. that's about it. it would've been gorgeous if they had decorated one of the dining rooms on ship for dancing! imagine a bunch of people dressed like the 30s, like they are ghosts from that period. i guess that's the romantic vision i had of shipwreck. or maybe like shipwrecked ghosts? old sailors and such? maybe like a titanic thing going on? such potential i tell ya! tag:www.calavera.com,2009:/skullblog//1.1976 2009-10-23T03:25:17Z 2009-10-29T20:31:05Z

the day after heliosphan left, i got sick. i was fine when she was sick and staying at my place but as soon as she left, i was sick. i think her germs that stayed behind festered and multiplied in...

kalavinka the day after heliosphan left, i got sick. i was fine when she was sick and staying at my place but as soon as she left, i was sick. i think her germs that stayed behind festered and multiplied in the hours of absence while i was out of the house so that when i returned i was hit with an invisible wall of sickness. after going through with the drama with the ex- on sunday, i awoke to a wonderful monday. i didn't care if i was sick, i felt sooooo good. i didn't want to say anything though and waited. so far, i still feel great. i've been sick this week but i just feel so damn good. i really think i'm over the breakup now. this immense weight has been lifted off my body. i can feel the burden is no longer there. i can't really form into words what this is like. it's just incredible. i know there are times when one feels good, only to take a small stumble. however, this doesn't feel like that. i had been lying before when i said i feel better. truly now i do. i'm scared to stumble again because i feel so good. if i am truly over the breakup, it's just a miracle that i'm ahead of schedule! woo hoo! tag:www.calavera.com,2009:/skullblog//1.1972 2009-10-19T04:32:45Z 2009-10-21T20:42:22Z

it's really over now between us. i may have said that before. i may have said that i let go and have moved on. but i was lying to myself. i said what i knew needed to be said but...

kalavinka it's really over now between us. i may have said that before. i may have said that i let go and have moved on. but i was lying to myself. i said what i knew needed to be said but not what i felt deep in the depths of my soul. yes, we had periods of living together post-breakup even though i had moved out. yes, we were still friends hanging out to the point it was like we were still together. yes, i would visit her place and remember that i had lived there and could only see it still as my place, my stuff, my girl, etc. yes, we were still hooking up even though we were dating other people. it was all very blurry and confusing. but now, that's over. i had tried too much to force things, to say i'm over it, to do symbolic acts, to talk one last time, kiss one last time, etc. this time, i wasn't even thinking about it. there was some minor drama going on so i stopped by to see what i could do to help. then we realized we both needed to eat and ended up hanging out doing errands and shit. we opened up a lot during the whole day and said things we've been holding back. towards the end, i was just sobbing. i've realized so much. all this pain i've had in the relationship was stemming from something and it's wrong to blame the other person but i think i've always known the source of this pain. i was not fully allowed to be myself in the relationship. that forced me to be moody, act out, just be a bitch in general. plus there is the in-law drama. all of this has been going on for years. it's far too late for me to see or approach them in any other way. it's never going to feel comfortable. i'm never going to feel welcomed by them. it's one thing to hear your friends tell you they've been waiting for the breakup or didn't understand why your relationship lasted as long as it did, but it's another to hear your ex- tell you of when they would confide in others, especially from early on in the relationship. with that i realize that it wasn't as great as i thought. it didn't work then and it doesn't work now. i can let go. it's with a heavy heart but i let go. it really is for the best. i think it's very possible that we could always be friends. i don't think it's possible that we could be more than that. to be best friends hurts both of us. no one we date would be able to understand that. you can't be best friends with your ex-. and that only opens up the possibility to more blurring and confusion and jealousy in the future. tag:www.calavera.com,2009:/skullblog//1.1973 2009-10-17T23:46:10Z 2010-02-08T04:48:42Z

it's been a long time since we last saw each other but heliosphan came for a brief visit. in fact, she's already on the plane to her next destination. she flew in, we had dinner, then i took her out...

kalavinka
with the fire show performers as for knott's scary farm, it was her first time there and her first time for any halloween event like that. i love knott's scary farm. at first you're a bit scared but i'm the type who gets braver if the others with me are scared. then as the evening goes on, you get used to things and it doesn't phase you so i actually was never spooked that night. as always, i got super excited in the goth-industrial maze. they were blasting an instrumental loop from "nwo" by ministry and the first thing i saw in the maze was a poster of siouxsie. it was torn up so that you could only see siouxsie but i'm pretty sure in the original picture she was posing with robert smith or he's in that photo session so haha on you fat bob, you weren't in the maze. damn, i wonder if a siouxsie fan set it up? wait a minute, how could you tear up a siouxsie poster even if you don't like fat bob? whatever, it was cool to have siouxsie as a part of my evening. we also watched one of the shows based around fire and one of the girls was really working the hula hoop so i had my picture taken with her but all the other performers decided to join in hahahaha. for union station, i think i took a train from there as a kid but never truly in my waking memory. the train tracks themselves are blah but the station is so beautiful in its art deco decor. i just love it inside. it also has a cathedral feel to it. there's a whole section off limits for filming only. how lovely it must be to use it.... next time, i must visit heliosphan instead of her coming out here.]]>