getting back my stuff
tonight i went over to my ex's place and did something we've both been dreading for years... cleaning out the garage! well, we didn't really clean it. she had cleaned a bit of it and i got most of my... [more]
skullblog is the work of kalavinka, a californian with roots on both sides of the pacific.
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» no longer single (1)
Olive Bleu wrote: You are my exception...... [more]
» the year of getting dumped (2)
kalavinka wrote: it's all good, babe, don't worry... [more]
» entre dos tierras (1)
Olive wrote: Babe, your update is hilarious!... [more]
» there wasn’t anything you could have done differently (3)
Olive Bleu wrote: Yum! mojo potatoes... [more]
» operation get her back: fail (1)
Betsy wrote: Chica, i've been reading your blog ... [more]
» no más lágrimas (1)
Anna wrote: Hey, I just wanted to say kudos for... [more]
Olive Bleu wrote: You are my exception...... [more]
» the year of getting dumped (2)
kalavinka wrote: it's all good, babe, don't worry... [more]
» entre dos tierras (1)
Olive wrote: Babe, your update is hilarious!... [more]
» there wasn’t anything you could have done differently (3)
Olive Bleu wrote: Yum! mojo potatoes... [more]
» operation get her back: fail (1)
Betsy wrote: Chica, i've been reading your blog ... [more]
» no más lágrimas (1)
Anna wrote: Hey, I just wanted to say kudos for... [more]
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stuff for sale
the great divorce sale: i'm selling various music, movies, books, and other bits but mostly related to my music collection. please check out: half.com, ebay, amazon.com
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a japanese brazilian in mexico
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zen habits
bioneural
cool tools
dave navarro
democracy now
dorothy surrenders
eric avery
for dangerous kids
hyphen magazine
japan newbie
a japanese brazilian in mexico
joi ito
karakui
learning movable type
fail blog
little. yellow. different.
mac os x hints
macha mexico
margaret cho
nihongo jouzu
postsecret
ridiculously extraordinary
simple bits
skull-a-day
slightly dirty martini
small dogs paradise
soy chick
stepcase lifehack
steve isaacs
stringer
tutorial dog
unclutterer
uneasy silence
zen habits
uncoupling: breaking up is hard to do
we only broke up in november?
had a phone conversation with my ex- tonight. it gave me some insight. she feels like we only just broke up in november. really? wow. when she broke up with me 10 months prior to that! it's just it was... [more]
it was one year ago today that i lost her...
...only i didn't know it at the time. this was the night last year that she met him, her cousin's best friend's cousin. they were both living with their girlfriends at the time. now neither of them is. perhaps neither... [more]
feeling good despite being sick
the day after heliosphan left, i got sick. i was fine when she was sick and staying at my place but as soon as she left, i was sick. i think her germs that stayed behind festered and multiplied in... [more]
it's really over now
it's really over now between us. i may have said that before. i may have said that i let go and have moved on. but i was lying to myself. i said what i knew needed to be said but... [more]
there wasn’t anything you could have done differently
i'm crying as i type this and it's not just because i cut up an onion tonight for dinner. after dinner, i'm catching up my rss feeds as usual and i read an article entitled "the perfect breakup?". it's a... [more]
things i've learned from dating a mexican
here's a humorous entry i had started working on months ago. i kept the notes in my phone but never posted it. why? i don't know. maybe i felt like it was just a draft. so here it goes! things... [more]
things have gone too far
ok, things with my ex- have gone too far now. i totally set myself up in this position and i take full responsibility but it just fucking sucks. we hung out together yesterday and today. both times, it was going... [more]
the year of getting dumped
i got dumped again. i thought this was the year of the ox. no, apparently it's the year of dumping kalavinka. it wasn't in person or over the phone. it was online. now some would cringe at this and in... [more]
entre dos tierras
wow. last night was so awkward. and the drama...wow. last night was supposed to be an evening of party, friends, and fun. i wanted many friends to come out and just celebrate that it was my last day of the... [more]
the knife incident
last night was not good.. not good at all. i want to say that i hit rock bottom because i just can't go any lower, although i wasn't really meaning to do it, just wanted love and attention from my... [more]
goodbye to people real and imaginary
today was a hard day. i had to say goodbye to people both real and imaginary. my ex-'s little sister has been so weird with me. it's very obvious that she hates me. i thought maybe she just has some... [more]
a camping we will go
finally, for the first time in my adult life, i'm going camping on my own. not completely on my own but one where i'm organizing it. i went camping in new zealand but that was part of a kayaking trip... [more]
a revelation: how i think of her
i had a sort of revelation. i am going through so much shit emotionally because of my mentality. i still think of the ex- as my girlfriend. it's both of our faults... we hang out so much together, too much... [more]
awkward silence
i went to have dinner with the ex- and perhaps for the first time in our lives, we had awkward silence. it was very silent and awkward during the drive to the restaurant. i realized that actually this is very... [more]
alone, sick, and single
well tonight i'm alone, sick, and single. the thing that i've been dreading is being sick and single. of living alone and having no one to indulge my whims of being sick, of taking care of me. i woke up... [more]
seeing the former in-laws
today i saw my former pseudo in-laws for the first time since my ex- came out to them. wow. let's just say i was nervous as hell for the arrival of this day and i didn't think it would be... [more]
mrs. doodiekins boot camp
i know i've said this before and i thought i blogged about it as well but i can't find anything. i kinda feel like right now i'm in mrs. doodiekins boot camp. at first i used to say (housewife) rehab.... [more]
parting is such sweet sorrow
all these emotions! it's crazy! i am home at my new place, alone. i've been practically living with my ex- for the past 2 months. but now i'm back and it's time to continue the unpacking process and get settled... [more]
so soon?
my ex- came home last night from going to that club and made sure she woke me so i could witness something. (yeah yeah yeah, i've been staying over waaaay too much.) i'm almost speechless. she did what i've been... [more]
you are the fool, not me
the progress i thought i made last week is lost. maybe i go through 5 good days and then 2 bad days. i don't know. all i know is that just when i think things are good, they become bad.... [more]
not as upset as i once was
funny thing, i noticed today and yesterday that something that used to greatly upset me barely caused a disturbance in the force. did i even laugh to some small degree? i'm not sure. all i know is that if i... [more]
operation get her back: fail
i am ending "operation get her back". i'm done and out by the end of this weekend. i won't try anymore. i won't take her back in the future. but i don't know if we should still be friends. if... [more]
back to square one
i tried to get over my ex-. i tried to heal things, make things better, get them back... but it just doesn't work. i'm back to square one. things had been going so well because i stopped stirring shit up... [more]
i made a comic of her life
i went around taking pictures of some key points of her childhood and combined them with images taken on our recent road trip. i made a comic of her life in brief of growing up and us meeting and getting... [more]
i can't stop laughing
last night my ex- finally took me to the club that is the hub of her new world. the place where she's gone out to dance for months and made several friends and where she met him and thus also... [more]
happy anniversary darling
who celebrates their anniversary with their ex? only odd me. last night marked 14 years and i couldn't let that go by unnoticed. so i solicited her for date #2 tonight. of course, one should bring flowers but since this... [more]
little dates
i decided i want to heal things and give it another shot. i don't think i can reconcile months or a year from now like we have discussed. once we break, we break. i think spending months or a year... [more]
down by the sea is where you drown your scars
at the beach in the daytime! my ex- is back in town. i took her out for a good vegan breakfast. i know what it's like to travel and not able to eat well, just kind of surviving on junk.... [more]
over you
this week has been my experiment away from the ex-. we've had the oddest breakup. very hard to tear apart our lives. but since this separation was forced due to her being out of town, it really let me live... [more]
another painful evening
the day started out well. i had a good evening and good night's sleep. i made nice banana/chocolate chip pancakes that were really yummy. but then i got real emotional later. i had been spending the day with the ex-... [more]
beating up hello kitty
today me and my ex- were supposed to go see a documentary of someone we met once while travelling. it's an interesting subject but when it got down to it, we didn't feel like going. we were having lunch and... [more]
there are other fish in the sea
it's not just a phrase. there really are other fish in the sea. i realized this today by accident. i was reading my book on the bus coming back from my lunch break and this girl needed some directions. she... [more]
half my life
today my ex- remarked that this has been so hard because we've been together for practically half our lives. my god, i didn't look at it like that. she's right. she's totally right. no wonder this is so damn hard.... [more]
moving part 2
today my relatives helped me again to move most of the rest of my things. there's still some stuff here and there in my room and closet that i need to get but i can pick those up anytime. now... [more]
the homophobe dj-ing at a gay club
last night my ex- and i went to a dyke club not too far away from my new place. i couldn't walk there but i could certainly take a taxi there. we went because her homophobic cousin was dj-ing there.... [more]
moving part 1
today my aunt and her sons helped me move the furniture and some boxes. by furniture i don't mean lots of stuff. basically it's just my bed, cd rack, and some bookshelves. i just need help moving those big items.... [more]
my first place all by myself
standing in my new kitchen, holding the lease and keys this morning i went to put down my money and sign the lease. i got the keys and went to my new place to make sure all the keys worked.... [more]
the great apartment debate
yesterday i saw the other place for rent, my backup just in case it's better than the place i saw before that. hmm, this is really tough now. both places have their pros and cons. the first place is right... [more]
taking a day off to focus on apartment hunting
today i took a day off work so i could focus on finding a new place to live. it's tough when you can only view places during evenings and on weekends. most people are not available to show places during... [more]
out alone for the first time
i still have a heart the morning after last night i went out to a club all alone for the first time. what a sad valentine's evening, huh? i suppose it was kind of pathetic. however, i had to do... [more]
a day at the aquarium
today was a valentine's lunch date with my ex-. yes, slap me all you want. we're still best friends and she offered to take me out to eat. the parking lot was charging a flat rate so instead of just... [more]
warning from the past
i am missing something, have been for over a month. (actually it's several somethings but this one is particularly important or else i could get a ticket everytime i drive and i'm tired of being a prisoner in my own... [more]
separating financially
so much for no more tears! today was a really hard day for me. i created my own ebay/half.com account. this way i can sell things on my own and as you may have noticed, now on the sidebar is... [more]
no más lágrimas
i can't say say that there won't be no more tears for sure but today was a milestone for me. i didn't cry today, didn't shed a single tear. i think i've cried everyday since my ex- broke up with... [more]
hunting for a place not so close to work
i've decided to focus my search for a new place that is not so close to work. things by my work are just too expensive. i would commute like i do now, just live somewhere else. that might not be... [more]
how can you miss me when i'm here with you?
i've been progressing in the southern vampire series (sookie stackhouse novels) and i'd like to share a quote from the third installment, "club dead". "the sweetest part of being a couple was sharing your life with someone else. but my... [more]
i can't change the past
last week when i wrote about things that no longer matter, i mentioned reflecting upon the past few months (the timeline of things) and realizing when i started spending time doing things that took a lot of time away from... [more]
mutually painful
my (ex-) girl and i have really talked a lot the past few days. (it's easy for me to type ex- but when i speak it's harder.) we're at a point where we feel good about discussing things and are... [more]
a night at the beach
we hung out for awhile at the beach last night. we both miss the ocean so much even though we don't live too far away from it. at our previous residences, it was much closer to the beach and so... [more]
i just might have finally accepted all of this...
...after reading an email from a friend. call me crazy but the friend's words really calmed me. it was soothing. i just felt so much better after reading their email. it's a mutual friend who lives far away and knows... [more]
imagine me living in a closet
today i went to check out a studio apartment close to work. the pros: it's close to work. the cons: it's small and expensive. i liked it enough that i put in an application and money for a credit check.... [more]
tequila shots into the morning
last night we had tequila shots, laughed, cried, but generally just talked a lot. we've been stressed and though we're not really ones to drink, we said we should have a drink. but just in case we get carried away,... [more]
if it was so good then why are you leaving?
all the feelings i've had bottled up at work came bubbling out once i was home and had eaten properly. i didn't have breakfast and my lunch was quite small today. i think once that physical need was met, my... [more]
things that no longer matter
i used to let the little things get to me and think things like the next person i date is going to like riding roller coasters, listening to portishead, etc. but those things no longer matter to me at all.... [more]
so low that things can only go up from here
well i did it. i confessed too. i knew about the cheating because i did something horrible. i spied on her email. not everyday, just the time i did it happened to have great timing. i knew something was up... [more]
take some time out and let it all out
today we took some time out and let it all out. poking and prodding for more and more details. i need this to understand, heal, and reach closure. to learn from. to not wonder why. worst thing to realize: a... [more]
lies and deceit
i got her to confess today. she's cheated again. that explains a lot. i'm glad for the honesty. i hate lies and deceit. it would have been better perhaps if she had come clean on her own without me poking... [more]
oldies but goodies
i think the old songs are classic and put things well. they all seem to deal with love and heartbreak and they do so sincerely and without vulgarity. and so we come to today's heartbreak lyrics. "don't be cruel" as... [more]
there's always morrissey
surely you knew at some point i'd turn to morrissey's lyrics to help ease my pain. "hand in glove" by the smiths hand in glove the sun shines out of our behinds no, it's not like any other love this... [more]
this is no ordinary love
while i'm pondering all this crap, it's important not to just stay focused on me. so here's some lyrics from their music collection, not mine. "no ordinary love" by sade i gave you all the love i got i gave... [more]
think about you always
today we inaugurated a new president and i went to a birthday party. for the end of my relationship, well it's still very fresh but somehow i feel that today's heartbreak lyrics will apply for a long time. "painted on... [more]
something i wonder a lot about these days
it's old and it's a classic but it's true. this is something i can't help but wonder a lot about these days. and thus i present today's heartbreak lyrics. "where did our love go" by the supremes baby, baby baby... [more]
it's not quite like this but...
i wish i could drink away my sadness it's not quite like this but... here's today's heartbreak lyrics: "don't you want me anymore?" by pulp on the night that i was leaving, the moon rose in the sky. as i... [more]
a day out of the house
i've been looking at ads for a new place to live. i'd rather live alone but i can't really afford it. i don't want to live with other people because i have a lot of stuff, don't want to share... [more]
my love of spanish is gone
i've always wanted to learn spanish, ever since i was a little kid. it comes from growing up in california, which was formerly part of mexico. and especially where i grew up, there were many mexican-descent people so there's food,... [more]
loud and proud--get used to it
you know, for a moment i had some hope there. that maybe this wasn't really the end of my almost 14 year relationship. that they'd realize we can work through this. but i realized, no matter how much i improve... [more]
i can't make up for things but i can try to ease the pain
i want to be cute and do cute things. i want to show how good i can be. i want to ease the pain in these our final days before we move out so that at least it was good... [more]
marlene dietrich's mother's favorite poem
me and my love binder i've been cleaning the closet and throwing away things. i've been meaning to declutter but now i'm forced to and i think it may cause me to get rid of more than i originally planned.... [more]
i don't want to see you because i know the dreams that you keep
i've started cleaning out my room; here's the first bag of trash if siouxsie can live without budgie then maybe i can survive too. but here's today's relationship song to help me get over the end of mine. "no distance... [more]
first day of being single
first day of being single and absolutely miserable i woke up before 5am. i should be doing that on the weekdays for work but today is saturday. i can't sleep. my world has changed too much. i thought of a... [more]
i just got dumped
my life has been completely changed forever. i have so much to decide and things to do that i don't know where to start. i really have no idea what to do. everything is open now and possible yet seems... [more]
screwing things up and putting them back together again
i wasted saturday. i started messing things up with my partner (yes, again) then went to the bank with my mom. after i came back from the bank, i continued where i left off and screwed up royally, for silly... [more]
the big talk, part 2
ok, so i wasn't happy with everything brought to the table. i lied. i held back. i'm tired of holding back. i wanted a pure answer, one without my influence. but i just couldn't help but voice my thoughts on... [more]
the big talk
last night we had the big talk. i thought it wouldn't happen until later this weekend. going to bed, i was still just so frustrated over the day i've had that i wanted to resolved our relationship issues on the... [more]
a revelation
post conversation revelations of late. i'm so blind. i'm so dumb. i reveled in various hypotheticals and never seriously examined the little things i've sensed. (turns out that evil voice in my head wasn't evil-doing, just the one trying to... [more]
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