last night was my worst fucking night, ever! and i'm the only one to blame. it was the last experience in the break-up learning process. i have learned to never to that and never even head down that road. i actually went clubbing with my ex- and i'm not going into any damn details. let's just say that i was still willing to do things for her, to help her out, but i found out she doesn't need my help like that. plus, i rehashed old shit just to be sure about something and she lost it. we had a huge fight outside at night, in the cold, and so i'm sick now.

we went to the club to celebrate my birthday with a friend as we had said a long time ago that when it's my birthday i will get a lapdance from that place. you know what? some things are best to not deliver upon, especially when it's things you planned to do with your former relationship person. as we were hanging out there, i wasn't having a good time and really did not want a fucking lapdance from that place. i started wondering why the hell was i even there, what the fuck am i doing, etc. anyway, really really bad evening. even worse, we had gotten a hotel room so we could get fucked up on alcohol and not worry about driving back. the only thing that got fucked was our relationship. we did use some of the time in the hotel room to apologize before knocking out, but still, there's no way we can be friends after this. i was just so mad that i had to retaliate but sticking it to her by telling her which one of our friends i have slept with. incredibly stupid but who fucking cares. my mental state was nowhere near earth. can this year hurry up and be over?!?!?!