...only i didn't know it at the time. this was the night last year that she met him, her cousin's best friend's cousin. they were both living with their girlfriends at the time. now neither of them is. perhaps neither of them is in a relationship. about 2 days after they met, they went on their first date. he picked her up at her work for lunch and she never told me about it. i was bitter because she never put up her defenses with that guy, never said hold on, i'm with someone, never said to me, i want to see other people or i think i'm falling for someone. that guy turned out to be such a loser and yet she's still friends with him to this day.

november is very special to me because i was born in november. my birthday month was tainted for the longest time. however, today is the first day of november and i'm claiming it back as the month that is rightfully mine. i'm not bitter anymore. i can laugh about it now, somewhat, though mostly it's a sarcastic laugh of how could i have not seen the signs, not noticed it at all. i'm claiming back november because it is mine. it is when i'm happiest. i won't be unhappy any longer this year. i've wasted too much of this year. i finally feel like i got over her only last month. it doesn't mean i still don't care. it doesn't mean i still don't tear up over things. it doesn't mean i don't hurt when she hurts. it just means that i know it's over and i accept it. i'm not bothered anymore that she lied to me and keeps lying to me. it is what it is. she doesn't owe me the truth any longer as a partner. but as a friend i'd like some honesty and i do get that.

i'm better now for moving on emotionally. physically i moved into my current apartment, which i always felt was to be a temporary thing, i just didn't know what the next phase in my life would be. perhaps i'm still not sure but i can see glimmers. i have a new job. i'm going to have a new place. i'm dating someone new. she's born in november too. we can celebrate november together. you can write your own misery or your own happiness. i'm done with misery. this goth is gonna be bubbling over with happiness. so instead of being miserable today, i celebrate today. one year ago my life was being rewritten but i didn't know it then. one year ago began the new phase of happiness in my life, though there was misery in the transition.