today was a hard day. i had to say goodbye to people both real and imaginary. my ex-'s little sister has been so weird with me. it's very obvious that she hates me. i thought maybe she just has some young person attitude and i was getting it all wrong because when we got back from camping she was actually quite mellow and nice to me. however, the hostility returned last night. i was unexpectedly there to help out with some stuff. the little sister came home but left immediately without a word once she realized i was there. then there was another incident that i thought was minor but maybe it wasn't to her. anyway, if we're broken up then i don't have to put up with family drama anymore. i had plenty of that already. so i decided to write an email to try to clear the air but to also say goodbye. i don't know what i did to have made her hate me so. is it just sticking by your sister? is it just sisterhood? i feel like it's more. so i tried to smooth that out. and i tried to say that i just need to go over there a couple more times to get the rest of my stuff and then i'm out. i had told my ex- before that i was jealous of the younger sister because i could see how close they were getting. well now i know it's true. they must be very close indeed. she must've said something about me or us to make the little sister act this way. i think i've been replaced. the little sister is now the best friend and lives in my room too. i'm definitely just the ex- now. maybe moving back down here was a mistake. maybe her family tore us apart. the pressure and stress of having to deal with them. we had that only from a distance before. but if you can't juggle your family and your partner then it's not going to work. definitely a big lesson learned for me for the future.

that's why i also had to say goodbye to my ex-'s imaginary child that i gave her. i don't know why i started it but just one day i made up this imaginary child and gave it a name. i was surprised when i started reading "the witching hour" and michael in the book also gave his would-be son a name and it was similar. in the book, i think it was that he was devastated that his girlfriend had an abortion. anyway, so we had this imaginary kid we would talk about. i really enjoyed hearing all the details she would make up about the kid. and when we would go shopping, we would even point out things for the kid or what the kid would or would not do. it was really sweet at times to talk of these things. i made up an email address for the kid and wrote but she didn't write back. maybe i thought we could keep in contact in this weird way. i'm not sure. but no more. i wrote the final email saying thanks but it's over. then i deleted the account. it was like an abortion. i'm really saddened by the loss of this imaginary child, believe it or not. that's another part of what could have been. what could have been so sweet.