well tonight i'm alone, sick, and single. the thing that i've been dreading is being sick and single. of living alone and having no one to indulge my whims of being sick, of taking care of me. i woke up with a sore throat. later in the day i noticed that i had pressure in my ears and a bad headache. i think i'm a bit feverish. i have no medicine, no pills of any sort. this is all back at my old place. i don't have the energy to walk to the store or leave and come back to fight for parking. i got home late due to bad traffic and was lucky to find a spot on my block on the first try. so instead i whine. i don't feel good. i don't feel like cooking. i can only cry. i cook a little something to eat something because i must. but i cry. i hate being alone. i hate being sick. i hate my new life. and i'm reading "merrick". it's a short book but it's taking me awhile. i will finish it tonight. i came across some lines that are exactly how i feel tonight. if i may share, this from the vampire louis's suicide note to david.

"what i understand is that i love her, and cannot think of existence without her. yet existence is no longer something which i can contemplate at all." - from "merrick" by anne rice