my ex- came home last night from going to that club and made sure she woke me so i could witness something. (yeah yeah yeah, i've been staying over waaaay too much.) i'm almost speechless. she did what i've been wanting. i've been talking to her so much and trying to reason with her constantly that he is a loser, a player, a douchebag, just plain scum... and why bother... and she has said she's not going to anymore and then she always does. even before she left we had the usual tears over this because she still wants to be friends with him, argh!

i've been meaning to do something symbolic to let go of the past and stop hanging around my ex- and finally really live as a single person in my new place. i meant to do that last sunday. i am doing it this weekend. i meant to push one more time during that symbolic act so she would just wake up already. but last night she did it on her own. perhaps because our words and tears were quite dramatic. i said that after the symbolic act we are done, not friends anymore because how can i be friends when you choose him over me, despite everything.

well well well... douchebag must've been a real jerk again because she came home all dramatic like once before but not drunk this time. she made sure i was awake to witness her deleting his contact information from her phone. this is like a fucking miracle! that it happens now instead of month(s) from now. truly, i am almost speechless. i thought i'd be super duper happy but it was a bit sad. because it meant he never proved me wrong. because it means he never really cared about her. because it means he really hurt her and i can't stand to see her hurt.

out

so instead of doing the bonfire today, perhaps we will do it tomorrow. but this has really changed things so much. my feelings are still evolving on this. but today we just hung out and enjoyed each other's company. i've been to her work a couple times but she has never really seen where i work so i took her today. i had a photo idea i've been wanting to do and she helped me to do it, though i didn't have any props. i put down my glasses and bag and there was an accident so my glasses now have scratches on them. that's ok, accidents happen. i can still see though it seems like my glasses are dirty but they always seem that way anyway. plus, i haven't gotten new glasses in about 2 years so it's time to get them anyway. as each hour passes, i think i am getting happier.