the day started out well. i had a good evening and good night's sleep. i made nice banana/chocolate chip pancakes that were really yummy. but then i got real emotional later. i had been spending the day with the ex- and then it came time to take home more of my things, more markers of the split. i took back with me the water filter and hot water heater. i think i was crying as i was dismantling the water filter. it's not some small brita type thing. i was frustrated because i couldn't remove it. (i was turning it the wrong way, doh! too distressed to notice.) i didn't have my car with me and neither of us had eaten dinner yet so instead of just dropping me off home, we went to dinner and then she had to swing by her cousin's house because she said she was going to hang out with him.

while having dinner, she mentioned that some other guy is probably at the cousin's house already. and that's when the feeling of dread came over me. this isn't a hang out, this is a party! she swore that it wasn't a party, just some a few people hanging out. yeah, well people + music + food = party. i look like hell from the crying and now i'm going to go meet people from this new world of yours? i didn't want to meet them this way. and even more dread if i think about the possibility of him being there, but i didn't mention it.

we get over there and the people didn't really show up. just that one friend and her brother and his wife. only one new person to meet and it was very brief. not as bad as i thought as far as people meeting go and we weren't there very long, only about an hour. however, every minute was painful. i kept feeling like these people are so ghetto and i was really not liking it. by ghetto i mean that these people think that you have to drink in order to have fun. and not just drink, but really drink. wasted beyond belief. i don't think i can do this anymore. i can't go to relative houses anymore. i think this is the end.