...after reading an email from a friend. call me crazy but the friend's words really calmed me. it was soothing. i just felt so much better after reading their email. it's a mutual friend who lives far away and knows much about heartache. so far, i feel like the reaction of friends falls into a couple of categories. most are like sorry, just move on. that's very hard to stomach. i could kind of use some pats on the backs and example stories from their lives to help me digest all this. then a few, just a rare few people have said things like why can't you make it work, just talk and beg and do whatever you can because you two belong together. that sort of thing. that's the basic divide. the should i stay or should i go question. but this other friend, i'm not even sure if he said anything different, anything so life-shattering that it should be in books. he was just there for both of us and said things like we're wonderful and life is hard but you move on. something like that. it just flowed out and was received so well. hell, even i'd marry the fucker on that email alone, hahahahaha.

hmm, it took her 1 year to ponder this and break up with me. it took me less than one month to digest this and reach the point of acceptance and moving on. not that i'm moved out and moved on. just at the point where perhaps it's true enough that i can vocalize it. an incredible feeling comprised of many emotions, both happy and sad ones.