i used to let the little things get to me and think things like the next person i date is going to like riding roller coasters, listening to portishead, etc. but those things no longer matter to me at all. my ex- had all the important qualities and i nitpicked at the little things in my mind. that's probably why i thought that the things that they moaned about were also just little nitpicky things but they weren't. they were much more important apparently, afterall, they're the one that dumped me.

then to look at the timeline of things. of when i started spending time doing certain things that are not as important to me as my partner. but my time spent on those things was time spent away from the relationship and so the partner drifted. you know i'd trade it all to have my partner back. the thing that meant the most to me in life is gone and thus now i have no life. i'm low and have to keep telling myself that this was the one life hardship i haven't gone through and i'll be a stronger and better person for it. that i'm young enough that i'll still meet someone or several someones special in the future. however, right now, being in the moment, it's so damn hard. i can't stand it. please god, fast forward my life to the point where i'm over this. i'd rather go back in time to once again be a depressed lonely suicidal teenager who thought no one would ever love them than to be who i am now, a divorced adult, one of those ex-wives left with nothing. that's just how i feel today.