all the feelings i've had bottled up at work came bubbling out once i was home and had eaten properly. i didn't have breakfast and my lunch was quite small today. i think once that physical need was met, my emotions went at it. i felt incredibly sad and still puzzled at this whole mess. if i'm going to cry then might as well be very messy so i went to my collection of love letters, notes, and cards to me from my ex- and skimmed over each one. a lot of mundane things in there but just looking at her handwriting always makes me smile. i couldn't bring myself to read the longer letters in their entirety but all those small notes and cards, *sigh*. there was mention of people we used to live with as well as things we did that rushed in a flood of memories. besides cards and letters, there were other cute things in there too like love coupons and a certificate for being "the best girlfriend in the world". if i'm the best in the world, then why are you leaving? it was all incredibly sad for me. the person who wrote that really seems like a lifetime ago, especially since i've saved notes from our first summer together 13.5 years ago. i read cards for my 20th birthday, our 2.5 year anniversary, etc. absolutely heart-wrenching.