today was my grandfather's funeral and what a crazy day. my car was very low on gas. there was no way i was going to make it to the church, then to the funeral, and back to the church for the post-funeral family gathering thing. i prefer to buy gas with cash since the places around here charge you for using credit cards. but there was just no damn time to get cash and i was running late as it was so i went straight to the church. the mass part wasn't bad. i don't feel like the priest particularly knew my grandfather. it felt generic. but this priest has done many funerals because he was able to deliver his words smoothly. i think this was the church my parents got married at and where my dad's funeral was. i have no memory of ever going to this church. i've heard my family say the name but never knew where it was. i could never even spell it because it's kind of a funky name. to be sitting and standing in that church for a funeral was a bit odd when you think of it that way because after all, in a way my life started here and also underwent a transformation here. (catholic church is like aerobics but they got rid of the kneeling part i think because too many in the family have bad knees.) i started thinking about how for some back in the day or even today in smaller towns, their lives must revolve around their community church. i have no attachment like that.

here's the kick-ass photo i promised earlier (though it doesn't kick that much ass, i'm sure he could've kicked your ass)

seeing who showed up was interesting. i couldn't figure out who everyone was. i haven't seen some of my cousins in 13 years. then there were other people from my aunt's work. i'm surprised they were there. i'd never go to a co-worker's relative's funeral. perhaps they met my grandfather a few times. and then there were other little shockers. i didn't expect anyone from georgia to show up, where my grandfather is from, but his niece and her daughter were there. however, i wouldn't have known who they were if someone didn't point them out to me. (i really wonder what they thought of our united colors of benetton california funeral as my family roots in the south are sadly on the racist side.) actually, i met them last night when we all went to dinner. my brother came into town and i saw him last night too--with a beard! i guess at some point in their lives all men grow out their facial hair just because they can. anyway, there was another who showed up shocker: my black sheep uncle. people kept whispering if he would show up and when and to be careful and this and that. i never saw him but as we were leaving, i think i saw him leaving in the passenger seat of a car. it was a weird moment.

as we're leaving the church, i'm freaking out a bit about the gas situation. do i take off and get gas and meet everyone at the cemetery? i don't even know exactly where. my grandmother gave a brief description but i haven't been there in so long i'm not sure i could find it. there's probably not too many funerals going on there but i don't want to risk losing everyone and being really late so i wait for the procession to start leaving the church and i'll follow them. but i need gas. i decide that i will get gas at the next place i see as we drive to the cemetery. i will buy very little and try to catch up. the only way to do this though is if i floor it and get ahead of the hearst. i'm sure everyone saw me get out of line and rush past the hearst. what does that bitch think she's doing? leading the way?! i floor it and pull over to the gas station just before the freeway. i quickly get some gas and am able to re-join a couple cars behind the last in the procession. but where is everyone else? these out of towners are driving too slow. so i floor it on the freeway, trying to catch up with the front cars. i live here, i know this freeway's traffic pattern, i know how to catch up! so i do and end up about 4th in line. that damn hearst was going 80mph sometimes. what is my grandfather on ice? he's dead already! what's the rush?

we go through the funeral bit. i'm surprised that there are sailors there. they do the folding of the flag routine and play "taps" on trumpet. i guess it doesn't matter how long ago you served--the military will be there. i remember getting a flag at my father's funeral but i don't remember specifically if there were soldiers. there's some people crying and the children there are playing on graves. it's kind of a strange day. everyone gets out of there as fast as they can when it's over except for a few of us. my aunt and her friend start walking to my father's grave. i'm laughing a little because they don't know where it is. i think i'm the only one who does. i teach them my trick on how to remember where it is but twiddle thumbs finds it first. today i learned another trick: how to remember where my grandfather's grave is. i've been to 5 funerals in my life. all were relatives and 4 of them are buried at this cemetery. there's no denying it now. this cemetery is definitely part of the family.

the folding of the flag

i was too hungry for going back to the church for the post gathering. i needed to pick up some food i could eat. i don't think that went over well with everyone but who cares. i brought small presents to ease their minds. (i printed out pictures to give to people that i had taken of them months ago and stuff. sadly, it was mostly at the last funeral we went to.) after that it was like a kmart photo session where everyone was taking pictures with my grandmother. she hated it. she didn't want to be treated like she's dying tomorrow. that's the kind of shit i didn't want to put my grandparents through but at the same time, this is our last chance(s) to do such things. for some people there today, this was probably their first time in california and they won't be back for years if ever.

time flies and your role changes. it wasn't so long ago i was the kid. now my cousins have kids. i've gone up a generation. we've shifted roles. the person that was in the retirement home is in the grave. the person that was living their golden years at home with their spouse is in the home. the parents are now the grandparents. i'm looking at some and thinking how i'll never see them again or just one more time in my life. i'm looking at others and wondering what kind of mess i will have to clean up when they leave this earth. there's just a lot of shit to think about lately. not just family stuff like this but the recession and political unrest around the world. i'm letting too much of it get to me.

i talked to several relatives and no one remembers what the hell i'm talking about when i mention the old pictures of my grandparents that someone scanned and put online years ago. i guess those are gone then. it's a damn shame because some of them were like the kind of old photos people buy on greeting cards and posters. they just really spoke of an era and it was nice that the people in those photos happen to be my relatives.

my grandfather served on the uss north carolina in WWII

this is the uss north carolina firing during the battle of okinawa in WWII, where my mother's from, but there's no bitterness because if the war didn't happen my mother would have never been born and i in turn as well