after work i swung by my mom's house to pickup some mail and she had the tv on a japanese station as usual. i watched tv, hisashiburi! i was thinking of leaving but it was an interesting program so i stayed and she made me something to eat. the program was a travel show. i realized the difference between american (perhaps all western) and japanese travel shows. in american shows, the host actually talks to the camera as if speaking directly to you, the audience. it's like they are an expert and you are a child. this sort of trend of using 'the expert' started in america around the time of "psycho" (1960)--the kind of things you learn as a film student. but in japan, the person is traveling and there just happens to be a cameraman documenting it. the host never turns to the camera and acknowledges that it exists. there might be in some shows a voice over narration but the host never turns to the camera and starts explaining things.

in this show, the host was in istanbul. at first she was by the water and men were fishing. this was not interesting to me. i was hoping to see the hagia sophia as no trip to istanbul is complete without it. shortly thereafter, the host went to the hagia sophia (yes!). then she went to a market with many stalls. the proprietors all seemed to be able to speak japanese--this is where it got interesting. one particular person was very good in speaking and she had quite a conversation with him. he explained that they have to learn other languages in order to do business, otherwise they cannot help their customers. he said everyone there speaks japanese, english, french, and german. this guy was good. i was really impressed with his vocabulary and ability to think on the spot. you can tell he really knows the language. his pronounciation is a little off but that is to be expected. i think he would certainly blow away people if he should ever visit japan.

then the host heard a noise and sought it out. it came from craftsmen working on silver bowls. she started talking with them and the show was in their small shop for the remainder of the period. you never see the translator either, by the way. there were about 4 craftsmen and most were muslim but one was christian. one muslim craftsman offered the host a drink of tea and she asked if he was going to have some too. he said he can't. he was fasting during ramadan. it was interesting to watch them prepare dinner together. everything was ready but they waited until it was time to eat. one man was looking at his watch, "one more minute". then the announcement came over the air from the mosque and they ate. (i don't know the proper terms for these things so forgive my ignorance.) the christian man waited too. he said he didn't mind as everyone has their own beliefs. same went for the muslims. it was cool to show them in harmony like that. when the host first stumbled upon the group and they mentioned their religions, the camera panned to each face to show how one cannot tell who believes what simply by their appearance. this was the only sort of 'expert' in the broadcast. i wouldn't even call it expert. it's like a learning process. if you think about other japanese shows, such as game shows, they are often about learning. the hosts in these shows are never shy to point out their own ignorance. everyone is learning together.

as the program was winding down and you could hear the call of the mosque and the people began to eat, i thought of a few things. first, how nice it would be to visit a muslim country and hear the mosques throughout the day. second, how my years as a child in japan, we had similar calls in the city. there was a bell or alarm, whatever you want to call it, that rang when it was time for the children to get up to get ready for school, for lunch, and to go home or for dinner. i can't recall the exact times but i think they were at 8am, 12 noon, and then 5pm? i also started thinking about religious fasting and how i never did but always wanted to fast. cut to a summary of my experience with religion.

i was baptized catholic. we went to church on sundays. my father died. we didn't go so much but we still went. my mom felt her children were white and white means christian so she took us to various christian churches. we continued to meet up with my father's family for holidays and went with them to catholic church. at one point my mom was getting into buddhism and she took us to a temple or a study center now and then but all we ever did was go to the individual tv/vcr booths and watch movies.

when we lived in japan, we went to a missionary school. i was in 6th grade and for the first time i really believed in god and read the bible. 1 year later, i was in summer school and the christian adults running the place made the comment that finally made me lose my faith, as it were. i had always questioned things but whoever said something went a bit too far. they told us heathen half chlidren to go home to our japanese families and convert them. (they didn't say "heathen" but i added the word for effect because i felt that's how they were treating us.) i thought that was wrong. i didn't believe that people who had never heard of jesus were going to hell for being unfortunate for no one having ever told them. africans, native americans, asians, etc. all those people who had never come across christians were going to hell for being sheltered? no. fuck you. but i still had reverence for what i was taught and had grown up with so i was more disillusioned with the adults than with god or christianity.

at the missionary school, we were constantly taught the old testament and hebrews are the chosen ones. so because i'm not jewish, i'm going to hell then? why are we even christian? why are we going through all this if hebrews are the chosen ones?! i started to let go of formal christianity but i still prayed every night to god. i didn't know exactly who this god was, just that it was some spiritual being higher than me. for the world could not have come from nothing, to just suddenly exist. there must be a higher power. this unknown being is whom i prayed to for years. i don't remember when i stopped but it could have been as late as my early 20s. maybe even mid 20s. i really don't know.

for high school we moved back to america. i still had some of that hardcore christianity in my brain. i thought too many things to be satanic. ouija boards. dungeons and dragons. christmas. hahahaa ok, maybe not that last one, but i didn't like all the paganism mixed in with christianity so i respected a jehovah's witness classmate of mine. i loved music but i couldn't buy anything i thought was satanic. i would tape music videos of and interviews with, but for the longest time i would not buy a nine inch nails album because i thought they were satanic. this is the only band i can think of not purchasing for this reason.

a friend of a friend in high school was a devout muslim. i think she was the most devout in her family. she would wear modest clothing and if someone made a comment that her scarf around her head was pretty, she would stop wearing it because of her modesty. she would fast during ramadan. i didn't talk with her much because i didn't hang out with her but the times i would talk with her, i think we'd always talk about islam and i respected her beliefs and became curious. i thought the people of the book have a connection and should learn about each other. i thought one could easily believe in any of the other two religions if you already believed one. maybe that was just me.

in college we had to read the koran. i was quite excited about this because i had never read it. i didn't read the whole thing but i think i read more than the required reading. this only made me respect islam more but i never formally studied it nor ever again really talked about it with anyone, even though i do have a muslim friend. i just don't talk about religion with friends. i may talk a little politics and art, but i've learned to stay away from any topic that may sour the friendship. though, i don't always abide by this rule.

it's funny to think about this now, especially because i don't think anyone knows this about me, but one of the reasons i chose to go to uc santa cruz was that it was amongst nature and i thought i could do some fasting and meditation there. i thought i could do a jesus thing and go in the woods and fast for awhile. i thought perhaps my weekends would be like that. i never did though. never once have i ever tried to fast. i don't really believe in any religion anymore or even a god or a higher power. i vaguely hold on to the higher power belief. so now fasting wouldn't be about religion so much as meditation

here i am now, a couple years away from santa cruz, and i happen upon some japanese travel show in turkey and i contemplate islam and fasting again. i don't think i will subscribe to any religious thought because i believe in nothing and everything at the same time. (pretty much all religions interest me as a bridge to understanding cultures.) our bodies need water to survive and i'm on this kangen water trip so to fast like a muslim and not even have a sip during the day scares me a bit healthwise but it's not like anyone has died from fasting during ramadan and i am curious once again about fasting. perhaps this will be the year.

oh and twiddle thumbs came back from tijuana tonight.