sometimes you think you know someone very well, then you have a conversation, learn something new, and realize there's still so much you don't know about the person. it could be trivial things, could be big things, could be secret things. when someone opens up and tells you the secret stuff, it's an honor that they trust you with that and it was brave of them to do so so don't shut them out. that's my take on it and i hope others feel the same. someone was brave with me today and so i've decided to be brave too. there's a couple of my friends where i wonder if they know something but have never said it. it's time to find out and stop trying to read between the lines and wondering if they've read between the lines. it's time to tell my friends that i had a crush on that i had a crush on them. it seems silly but i never told them and it was long ago and i'm still friends with these people and i'm getting older and i should stop wondering if they know. i need to get it out of my mind so i never think about it again. it's just that i've never told a single person that i had a crush on that i liked them. i'm like so fucking shy like that. i'm brave with physical feats but not with emotional ones. my crushes are my only secrets, otherwise i'm so open. i just never wanted to lose the friendships that i value and you risk friendships if you say things like you like that person. but if people can't handle that i liked them way back when then i don't think they're open-minded enough to be my friend, if that makes any sense at all. i hope to become more eloquent.