i couldn't sleep, throat too sore. last night i lost my voice and now i'm sleep deprived. i can't go on like this, i have a concert to go to tomorrow! i decided that i must see doctor. i never go to the doctor when i'm sick but this is not an ordinary cold. in the shower, the soap dish fell on my ankle and cut me. bastards! then i realized that i didn't have any clean underwear so i had to do laundry. i waited for my clothes to wash/dry so that i could see a doctor. i'm not even sure who my doctor is. the name isn't printed on my health card. there is a phone number though. i had twiddle thumbs call since i can't talk. it's a fax number! i went on my provider's site and searched for doctor's in the area. once the list was brought up, i searched for that phone number on my card. there it was. just one doctor with that number and it's close to the house. we drive over there and they are closed. apparently they were open for 1 hour while i was waiting for my laundry! however, there is a phone number listed. we call and there is no information about what to do when they are closed. no on-call number. no information for a backup physician. i read my health card. i HAVE to see my physician or else the insurance will not pay. i have twiddle thumbs call my insurance's member services to see what we can do. just machines, no humans answer.

we decide to go to the closest hospital to see if they can help. they can take me but i will have to pay as they doubt the insurance will cover it since i'm not seeing my doctor. i don't know what the cost will be but i know i can't afford it. we ask them to call my insurance to see what they say. they call twice with no better luck than we had. we decide to go home and look online at which hospital my assigned doctor is affiliated with. we could call them and maybe they could give us his on-call number or tell us who his backup physician is. he's affiliated with several hospitals. twiddle thumbs calls them but they are useless. they say i could go but only to the emergency room and a doctor will not see me. i look at my insurance's site and see what the average cost of an emergency room visit is. it is $1000-$1500. goddamn! that's more than my tax return!

we go around the stores and load up on over the counter medicine. i had been taking a few things but now we have to drug me up so that i can get through the weekend. this sore throat is killing me and i have to find a way to tone down the pain so that i can sleep. i have to somehow make it to monday when the doctor's office is open again. at one point i just break down crying because i have a job with health insurance and i still can't afford to see a doctor. america is fucked up.

i've spent my time reading web sites on what i could have and nothing fits. i have a sore throat to the point that i've lost my voice, a slight fever (my thermometer's broken so i can't be sure), a little headache, slight runny nose, and now my ear is beginning to hurt a little bit. there is no pain/swelling at all in my neck/throat/tonsils area. i do not have any spots in my mouth. just the fucking worst sore throat i have ever had. sometimes i cough up phlegm. the color has changed over the days from green to yellow to brown and back to yellow. right now death is looking better than this.