went to trader joe's to pick up a few things and the check out clerk asked me a question.

clerk: are you hapa?
me: i hate that word.
clerk: oh, sorry. [shocked look]
me: i don't know why but i find it derogatory. then again, i'm not hawaiian so what do i know.
clerk: [speechless]

twiddle thumbs pointed out to me that the same clerk asked me that before. alright, that's it, i'm boycotting that clerk! i fucking HATE being called hapa but put up with it sometimes but i'm not putting up with it anymore. would you mind if i asked if you are a mulatto? didn't think so. that's how i take it. i don't know when i first heard the word or take it in a negative way but i clearly remember my freshman year of high school when my japanese teacher asked me if i had ever heard the word "hapa". i said yes and didn't talk about it at all, just left it at that. i think i was lying but somehow i knew of it.

of course, "hapa" is very close to "happa", which is leaf in japanese, and seeing as how i know japanese and not hawaiian, i tend to pronounce it that way even though it's wrong. the root of its usage is hawaiian but i am not hawaiian. and you know what? i hate terms for being "half" in general. i wanted to kill a lot of people in japan when they called me "haa-fu". you know what? i'm human, just like you. not half. i am whole. FUCK YOU! stop trying to differentiate me, exoticize me, alienate me. amerasian, eurasian, etc. fuck that! you know why i don't like them? i want a universal word. what if you are half something else? so by that, just saying "mixed" works. for me, being more specific to white and asian, i've always preferred caucAsian but i hate having to explain it. it should be obvious. besides, white people can't claim they're caucasian without having ASIAN in them. ^_^ i also like to refer to myself as one of those mixed white/yellow cheeses. damn, i can't remember the name of those things 'cos i don't eat cheese anymore. colby jack? who cares!