there is a scholarship sponsored by the okinawa government for foreigners of okinawan-descent to study in okinawa at one of three universities. i'm not sure of all the details but it's worth a shot. however, they barely give 2 weeks notice before the deadline. my mom only told me about it yesterday. the deadline is tomorrow. today we looked at the application forms and it's ridiculous. there's no way i can get everything done by tomorrow. even if i fill out as much as possible and tell the committee that the missing pieces will be turned in ASAP (they meet on saturday to make a decision), it's still an impossible task. you need to fill out a lot of paperwork in japanese, have your japanese proficiency evaluated by someone, get a physical from a doctor and have 'em fill out the form saying blah blah (this may not need to be done until you are picked, i'm not sure, but they're not gonna pick someone unhealthy because they will be rejected and the physical includes running tests and we know how long it takes to get back lab work), official copy of transcripts, passport size photos, have a sponsor in japan sign the paperwork, etc. my mom had already asked my uncle to send an email saying he would sponsor, i could shell out money for overnight delivery of transcripts, run to a store tonight that i know takes passport photos, rack my brains filling out the paperwork, but it'll be impossible to get the doctor visit. plus, looking at the classes offered at the various universities, it's just not worth it for me to do all this last minute stuff.

at the end of the day, i realized how much i am willing to help out others and how much they are not willing to help out me. too depressing. i didn't have to do as much, but i did run around last year for my brother so that he could apply for study abroad because he wasn't in town. it was because of me that he's studying abroad now. but i'm not mad at him because there's nothing he can do for me for this application. i'm just frustrated at how throughout the years, it seems to be in my family that he gets away with things or people help him out in ways that never happen for me. very quickly my mom was discouraging during the application process but going back in forth saying just to fill out what i can. we were looking over the class titles and she'd say you're not interested in those classes (deciding for me!), "yameyouka?" (roughly, should we not [apply]?), then say 10 minutes later, "dekirudake yaruka?" (roughly, should we just fill out what we can?). this would lead us into talking about other things that just fed my frustration because they were further examples of my mom supporting my brother but not supporting me. my mom says she doesn't agree with male favoritism and doesn't do it herself but whenever this sort of thing happens, it's like gee thanks mom--no cultural male favoritism here!

sure i'm old enough that i should be free but my brother's hitting that mark too. i don't want to get into current specifics because i'd be broadcasting my current vent without even discussing it with him but it's always been this way. i feel like my brother manipulates my mother (throwing hissy fits and such) for anything that costs money even though he has the money for it. extremely kechi/stingy/tacaño and only thinking about himself. some would say he'll run out of money and learn in the end but i fear he will ruin my mother's finances in the process.

the other topic of conversation we strayed into was throwing everything into storage and moving to tokyo. my mom feels this impending doom that she will be fired from her job. since she's paying for my brother's apartment in tokyo, she figures he'd have no problem with us crashing there. yeah right he'd have no issues with it and yeah right that we'd all fit. she at least thinks that i could move there and live with him. uh, don't think so! but all this talk did make me assess the current situation and think that if twiddle thumbs's willing, we could just move to japan for awhile because we could do what every other foreigner does in japan, teach english! plus i have friends/family there that could help out and there are other opportunities there for foreigners though they are few. we are only planting seeds and haven't taken root yet back in LA so what's stopping us? we could leave. only, i know that twiddle thumbs doesn't want to leave.