post conversation revelations of late.

i'm so blind.
i'm so dumb.
i reveled in various hypotheticals and never seriously examined the little things i've sensed. (turns out that evil voice in my head wasn't evil-doing, just the one trying to slap me into reality)
when i thought everything was so great and fulfilling, how could i have not noticed that there were holes? ripped seams?
98% compatibility not rising to 99% but deteriorating....

these past few days have been me trying to come to terms with reality.
i am now completely at a loss as to guess or know what is to be, what to do, what to feel.
i am numb.
all these years, since the beginning, i was trying to avoid this situation.
i wanted to be the one that hurts as to not be the one that gets hurt.
however i lacked the courage to be that cruel and to destroy things so senselessly.

when all is said and done, i think i will have enough fuel to create songs with the intensity of the first three nine inch nails releases (non-singles, non-remix ep).