a japanese name generator? i just had to do it! even though my legal name in japan is 100% japanese, i inputted my full legal american name since the two are different. as my middle and last names are not japanese, i thought it would give the generator something 'foreign' to work with.

Your Japanese Name Is...

Midori Gojo

the apartment building i live in

p.s.
last night i had my third panic attack and it really sucked. while at the grocery store, i felt like i had indigestion. by the time i was in line and checking out, it had escalated and i knew it was a panic attack. i saw a co-worker at the store. i couldn't recall if the symptoms started before or after. i thought maybe the idea of work triggered it. i have no idea. could be that my subconscious is a lot more freaked out about the next few weeks than i am (driving on the left side of the road when i rent a car in nz, spicing up my resume and cover letter templates, trying to find a job in LA, etc.). again with this attack i felt hot but i think weaker than previous. my breathing was also a lot more under control. i tried to do something different. i took a shower. i didn't know if i had the strength to stand for the entire shower and almost didn't take one. but i made it through. after that i helped twiddle thumbs play a computer game and i think i was so focused on the game it helped me to forget about the panic attack. it took 2 hours to go away which really sucked.

i'm only up now because i woke up thinking it was about 6am (it was still dark) and that my flatmates were up early, eating breakfast. i went to the restroom and the living room was empty. it turns out it was almost 4am. i tried to go back to sleep but could not. at 5:15am i decided to go online and try to get sleepy. no good. i think i'm up for the rest of the day. maybe i'll take an afternoon nap.