ardeth is dead and i'm really sad. the first thing i did after i woke up was check the tank and he was dead. i scooped him out for disposal. then i took a shower. i cried in the shower--i was that upset. i don't think i've ever cried over a pet before. what bothers me is i just realized what's wrong with him last night. i was kicking myself for not realizing it much earlier. how could i have been so blind? so careless? ardeth obviously had dropsy. i realized this after the pet stores had closed so i could not buy any medicine. it would not have done any good though. usually by the time you notice dropsy, it's too late. but i noticed something was wrong so long ago! and i didn't realize what it was. i can't forgive myself for not realizing the signs of dropsy. i think it was because he didn't have scales that stick out.

i went to bed with the full intent of doing everything i could to save ardeth the next day. while i was sleeping, i had a dream about ardeth. i was at my grandparents' house and i had my tank with ardeth in it. i was trying to cure him while i was there and there was a female betta in the tank, as well. but she didn't look quite like a betta, more like a butterfly. also, i think ardeth was a different color. another point on how ardeth in the dream was different was that he had a tumor like bulge in his belly.

i am really upset over losing ardeth. when i first got a betta and decided what to name him, i thought i would go through all the colors available at pet stores. now i don't know if i can. i don't know if i can buy another ardeth.