thinking about some shit in an email exchange with a friend, i came up with something which reveals a part of me. it was good to think about it, because it helped to form into words things which i feel. i never had to make them into words because i understood them, but putting it into words perhaps helps others understand me.

excerpt:

just so you know, the things that i really truly deeply feel a passion, deep connection to, are so sacred that i don't talk about them. of course, part of it is that you feel kind of a religious, spiritual connection that cannot be expressed in words. about these passions, i might just say i like it a lot, or love it, but i don't go into it because it feels, kinda sacrilegious. that's why i failed as a film major at first. i just couldn't talk about films. it felt wrong to analyze them to death and write about it and share your feelings about it. it felt like removing the passion. like how some people believed that taking a photograph took away your soul.. it's like my soul is taken away if i talk about my passions. again, these aren't good words to express it.. probably because i never express this! i never even talked to anyone about my relationship until about last year. part of it was that the relationship was too sacred. part of it was that i hate to hear others talk about their relationships. it seems bitchy or too head in the clouds, even if it isn't. to me, talking about your passions is like talking about your deepest darkest secrets. you just don't want anyone to know.