why do people think that you always have to smile in life? i don't understand this.

if you do not smile, then others think that not only are you not happy, but that you must be upset or angry & they have a problem with that. they do not like upset or angry people. often they try to make these people smile. this doesn't make sense to me at all. it seems that others out there would have you walking around all day with a smile on your face like a bumbling idiot.

i have found that the only ones who have a constant smile on their face are the mentally disturbed (idiots and criminals) and the happy go luckys (small town folk and hippies). but it is not these people who question me because i do not walk around with a smile on my face--it is fellow non-smilers who question me! what the fuck?! perhaps it is because they feel smiley on the inside but do not realize that they are not always physically smiling. so they turn to me because they see that i am not physically smiling and sense that i am not smiling on the inside. i am not mr. grumpy pants, yet they treat me that way. hell, i'm not safe even among goths. once a goth club someone told me that i look "morose". hello! it's a fucking goth club!

some say that a smile welcomes others. why do i need to welcome others? if they are friends then they know they are welcome. i don't have to jump up and down like a small dog and hump their leg for them to know that! if they are strangers, well i was taught never to talk to strangers & also to only speak when you're spoken to. a smile is like talking to someone. go ahead, try this: look at a stranger and smile. either they will think you are a freak and turn away (me!), or they will think that you want to talk to them so they will approach you (not me).

my grandmother had a statuette of devil with an inscription that read: "smile, it will make people wonder what you have been up to". that is exactly true for me. i have learned that if i smile, people do wonder what i have been up to and they will approach me and talk to me about why i am smiling. so you see, it's a no win situation. if i do smile, people will come up to me to talk and it's usually people i don't want to talk to. if i don't smile, people come up to me to ask me what's wrong and they make jokes about it. such as it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. (that's then i tell them they're lazy or i simply do not want wrinkles) perhaps that's the underlying problem. they think i am frowning. fuck them then 'cos they have no idea what a frown is. my face is a blank canvas waiting for stimulation. either something/one will excite me or it will piss me off. both will register, otherwise it's a neutral face. neutral face = neutral to positive feelings. negative feelings only display a negative face. people tend to not have much of a clue about what my negative face is like because it takes awhile for me to get to that point. i let things bother me all day and i will deflect them. eventually my tolerance is exhausted and that is when i will become pissed off. there is no mistaking when i am pissed off. (see an earlier entry to read about the time when i got pissed off at a cafe tacuba concert and fought with a girl if you require further clarification.)