presenting mr. cudd e lee

today i went to meet my birthday present from olive, an adorable little puppy roughly 2 months old. i had gone through some names but i didn't want to settle on a name until i met the little guy. i wanted to be sure the name matched the dog. i had thought about "mr. cudd e lee" and calling the dog "cuddles" but i wasn't sure if it was him. i wanted to meet the dog and see what came to mind, if there was something that was a better fit. once i went the dog, he was just so damn cuddly that i had to call him cuddles. and so that's how i ended up with this little guy named mr. cudd e lee officially. i'm not taking him home just yet because i'm away at work too long and that's cruel to a puppy. i've been wanting a dog for so long and i can't believe i finally have one. i'm a "mother" now and it's scary.

Posted on November 19, 2009 @ 9:36 PM | Email This Entry | Comments (0)

birthday girl attempts to pull the sword from the stone

this year disneyland has had this promotion that you get to go free for your birthday. i knew about this last year so i signed us up so that me and my ex- could both go for free and we'd each take the day off to go with each other. then my ex- dumped me and one of the things that popped to mind was, "what about disneyland?!". i don't know why i was so hung up on that. maybe because i'm not a disneyland person so me going is like a compromise or sacrifice on my part. like, look what i'm doing for you! anyway, as the year went on, i really didn't feel like going with my ex- anymore. i'd rather go with the girl i'm seeing but she has school and i can't ask her to take off for me. i don't want to throw away a free ticket so i decided to say fuck it and just go to disneyland with my ex-. the day was ok, nothing really memorable. all i wanted was to buy the gay mickey pin so i could wear it to the next gay day and i couldn't find it anywhere. i bet disney stopped making it once they made the gay connection, fuckers.

the girl i've been dating got me a puppy for my birthday and i haven't met the little guy yet but i've seen a picture and am contemplating what to name it. so here i am thinking about names and the sad thing is that while we were in line for the small world ride, i got an email from a former supervisor of ours turned friend. (my phone does email.) it was a really sad email. it was long and i could tell that something was wrong because of the typos. then i get to the part where she says she has cancer and is undergoing chemo. god... that's awful. i wish i could visit her. so sad.

Posted on November 18, 2009 @ 8:48 PM | Email This Entry | Comments (0)

...only i didn't know it at the time. this was the night last year that she met him, her cousin's best friend's cousin. they were both living with their girlfriends at the time. now neither of them is. perhaps neither of them is in a relationship. about 2 days after they met, they went on their first date. he picked her up at her work for lunch and she never told me about it. i was bitter because she never put up her defenses with that guy, never said hold on, i'm with someone, never said to me, i want to see other people or i think i'm falling for someone. that guy turned out to be such a loser and yet she's still friends with him to this day.

november is very special to me because i was born in november. my birthday month was tainted for the longest time. however, today is the first day of november and i'm claiming it back as the month that is rightfully mine. i'm not bitter anymore. i can laugh about it now, somewhat, though mostly it's a sarcastic laugh of how could i have not seen the signs, not noticed it at all. i'm claiming back november because it is mine. it is when i'm happiest. i won't be unhappy any longer this year. i've wasted too much of this year. i finally feel like i got over her only last month. it doesn't mean i still don't care. it doesn't mean i still don't tear up over things. it doesn't mean i don't hurt when she hurts. it just means that i know it's over and i accept it. i'm not bothered anymore that she lied to me and keeps lying to me. it is what it is. she doesn't owe me the truth any longer as a partner. but as a friend i'd like some honesty and i do get that.

i'm better now for moving on emotionally. physically i moved into my current apartment, which i always felt was to be a temporary thing, i just didn't know what the next phase in my life would be. perhaps i'm still not sure but i can see glimmers. i have a new job. i'm going to have a new place. i'm dating someone new. she's born in november too. we can celebrate november together. you can write your own misery or your own happiness. i'm done with misery. this goth is gonna be bubbling over with happiness. so instead of being miserable today, i celebrate today. one year ago my life was being rewritten but i didn't know it then. one year ago began the new phase of happiness in my life, though there was misery in the transition.

Posted on November 1, 2009 @ 10:03 PM | Email This Entry | Comments (0)

my costume: soccer bitch

i dressed up for halloween at work today. my current department isn't full of the holiday spirit but my old department is. so that's why i was the only one dressed up in my current department and went over to my old department's halloween party. it was at lunch and outdoors. my costume fit the outdoors. i wanted something perverse. i wanted something no one would expect. i dressed as a soccer player. now, for most people this is not striking at all. this wouldn't even be a costume. but for me, it's vastly different from my everyday look. if i was just anyone walking down the street, you wouldn't've realized i was dressed up for halloween. in fact, i bet most people thought i had a soccer game to go to! but for people that know me, it was quite shocking. the funny thing is that the only thing i really had to buy was socks! i had the shorts and the shirt. i needed new athletic shoes so i was going to buy something anyway and of course it was going to be black. i just happened to pick ones with white stripes, much like soccer shoes so that it would work for my costume. then to be in line with looking different from my usual look, i put my hair in pigtails (tied with skull shoelaces though) and wore lighter makeup. true, i did buy some lighter makeup not like i usually wear. i don't know why i bought the eyeshadow. i really don't feel like i'll be wearing that again. so maybe i also only bought that for my costume. i'm gonna have to try to integrate this makeup into my look somehow, hahahaha.

at the staff halloween party, the there was a lady wearing roller skates. she said they hurt her feet so she took them off for awhile. i asked if i could try them out, even though they were a size too small for me. i loved roller skating as a kid and i've been itching to try it again as an adult. i made my feet fit into those damn skates! it hurt but i was able to skate. the first few moment were awkward but then it became much easier. if i had on a decent pair that fit, i don't think it would take me very long to get back into the groove. it's quite exciting.

then in the evening was a real downer. i was getting ready to go to olive's place when my neighbors upstairs started making a ruckus. they've had the police come over for domestic violence before so i kept my ears perked. i didn't hear any yelling, just like shit was being moved around. then i heard what sounded like glass breaking. somehow i was really overcome with emotion even though i didn't grow up in a domestic violence environment, i felt like i was a child cowering in a corner. once i heard the guy upstairs yell to the woman something like, "go ahead, call the police", i said alright, i will. so i did. i had to look up the police's number and then go through the maze but i started to give the details on the situation, of what little i knew. then they started to take down my details and i really didn't want to, for fear of retaliation, but then just at that moment, the police on the line told me that the woman upstairs was actually calling in the domestic violence situation so i didn't need to leave my information with the police afterall. i was relieved that i didn't have to do that. i was relieved that the woman got the balls to call the police and that she was able to. i was glad that i interpreted the situation correctly and didn't call the police on something frivolous. then i went over to olive's house and really just needed to be held. sad night.

Posted on October 30, 2009 @ 9:40 PM | Email This Entry | Comments (0)

last night we went to go see echo & the bunnymen with she wants revenge at the nokia theatre. i was excited about this show for 2 reasons: 1. i've never seen echo & the bunnymen nor any of their members live before; 2. i've never been to the nokia theatre. as soon as we got to the venue, the cost of parking was ridiculous but what are ya gonna do, turn around and go home? no! then we go into the venue and immediately spot adam from she wants revenge just chatting with some fans. we decide to go meet him. he's nice. i was surprised at how short he was. am i taller? are we the same height? it doesn't really matter so who cares. the band went on 5 minutes earlier than showtime on the tickets, impressive.

setlist:
black liner run
red flags and long nights
sister
replacement
one hundred kisses
disconnect
these things
out of control
tear you apart

after she wants revenge was over, we noticed that both members came into the audience and sat a few rows behind us. adam left but justin stayed. twiddle thumbs was too damn shy to meet him so i really had to push her but i think she's glad that i did. yay, now we can say that we've met both members of she wants revenge.

then echo & the bunnymen went on with an orchestra and performed the "ocean rain" album in full and in order. meanwhile, period photos were being shown of the band on the huge screens on the side. that was pretty cool, to put it into context like that. i realized though that i'm not a huge fan of the bunnymen. i like the hits and a few other things but that's all. i really don't know their albums. if anything, i only know the last original album well. i don't have any of their reformed bunnymen albums. so it's a good thing that this tour was supposedly just playing the hits. but even still, i realized i don't know so much. i had to take a lot of notes and pay attention quite closely to what ian was singing so that i could later look up the titles of the songs. disappointing that they didn't play certain hits as i could've switched them out. they didn't play "do it clean", "never stop", or "the puppet", for instance.

setlist:
part 1 with orchestra:
silver
nocturnal me
crystal days
the yo yo man
thorn of crowns
the killing moon
seven seas
my kingdom
ocean rain

part 2: no orchestra
rescue
show of strength
villiers terrace / roadhouse blues
stormy weather
bring on the dancing horses
all my colours
all that jazz
think i need it too
the back of love
the cutter

encore:
nothing lasts forever / walk on the wild side / in the midnight hour
lips like sugar

Posted on October 25, 2009 @ 11:12 AM | Email This Entry | Comments (0)

this evening i went to shipwreck with olive and it was the first time either of us have been there. shipwreck is a halloween event at the queen mary, much smaller scale than what goes on in the other amusement parks in southern california. i was really looking forward to this as the queen mary is a beautiful ship with its art deco decor. that's why i'm a bit sad they didn't fully utilize the setting. most of the mazes on the ship took place in the bowels, which may be scary, but it's damn hot in there and each maze then begins to feel the same. outside was a clown maze (super lame, you could see everything happening) and a vampire maze (line too long, didn't go through it). there was also food and dancing. that's about it. it would've been gorgeous if they had decorated one of the dining rooms on ship for dancing! imagine a bunch of people dressed like the 30s, like they are ghosts from that period. i guess that's the romantic vision i had of shipwreck. or maybe like shipwrecked ghosts? old sailors and such? maybe like a titanic thing going on? such potential i tell ya!

Posted on October 23, 2009 @ 10:11 PM | Email This Entry | Comments (0)