Index of Audio Clips
(all files are in WAV format unless noted otherwise)
(clips from films are excluded, please see each film for audio extracts)

impersonation of mother leaving an answering machine message #1
("Grandma and Grandpa are gonna die...")
RealAudio streaming
impersonation of mother leaving an answering machine message #2
("I know you're gay...")
RealAudio streaming
impersonation of mother telling a joke about President Clinton 636K
"I know what racism is because I watch college cheerleading..." 617K
Margaret talks of when she practiced yoga 481K
talking of her love of makeup 476K
Margaret's mother likes Margaret's dog because it reminds her of "Happy", a dog they used to have 386K
impersonation of mother talking of their pet dog named "Happy" from years ago 475K
(as her mother) "oh you cannot go to the club because they take the drug" 151K
on going to gaybars with friends 463K
"I would always get the most dressed up and the most messed up" 185K
impersonating a friend trying to revive Margaret passed out on the club floor 336K
on the history of the gay community 452K
(as her mother) "Mommy likes to laugh on the inside..." 419K
"Karl Lagerfeld is the designer with the white fan and the sunglasses and always with the Spanish fan.." 238K
What if Karl Lagerfeld was a murder? 364K
imagine Karl Lagerfeld in jail 361K
"I don't want to be the only Asian person around a bunch of white people" 360K
"It's a billion times worse to be the only white person around a bunch of Asian people" 261K
"I love gay porn because the guys are fucking hot" 349K
"The reason I love porn is: I love dicks" 274K
(to Margaret) "Could you be a little more Chinese?" 343K
"Straight men don't want to have any inkling of a chance that they might get turned on by the guy and accidentally have a homo moment" 328K
"Straight men are so simple--all they need are beer and boobs and buffalo wings" 306K
"I love to watch the women [in straight porn]" 96K
(as her father) "When I first come to this country.." 265K
"Racism affects me in really stupid ways" 258K
(as her brother) "Margaret, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?" 245K
"I think Hooters is a great institution because there would never be a female equivalent" 236K
(as her mother) "I know you're gay!" 229K
(as her mother) "All the gay books are ass this and ass that" 172K
(as her mother) "Asses all the time, that's no good!" 220K
"People talk to you a lot more if you have a dog" 212K
"I love the Spice Girls soooooo much" 210K
"I have a Korean name.." 180K
"When I get famous enough I want to have my own fragrance" 159K
Malaria is a good way to loose weight quickly 167K
"This morning show guy didn't understand me at all" 165K
"I was raised in San Francisco, I went to Lowell High School" 160K
"Straight men don't want to go shopping, ever" 149K
"You just have to face that you don't have a boyfriend, you have a girlfriend" .4K
"After having gay boyfriends for many years finally I have a straight boyfriend" 146K
"I think my dog is jealous of my boyfriend" 142K
"Hey Gwen, you really rocked me!" 146K
(as her mother) "when I was pregnant with you.." 129K
"I am like the worst role model in the world" 121K
"I panic in advance" 119K
(as her mother) "you think that I don't know about the gay but I know about the gay" 118K
"It's really stupid to call a 50-year old Korean man 'a fucking cock'" 114K
"Bitch, you wanna throw down? let's go outside; we could go outside--I am so through with you" 109K
"When I was a little girl and we grew up on the rice patty.." 108K
husbands are like tattoos 107K
Margaret's pick up line 98K
(as her mother) "this book we just got is called Assmaster" 97K
why Margaret likes to keep up on porno 96K
what Margaret thinks of the women of new porno 93K
"When I was a little girl, I always wished that I would be constantly surrounded by gorgeous guys" 93K
"I don't care how whipped you have them, men don't want to go shopping" 89K
a fake quote printed in a tabloid 87K
why Margaret stopped taking drugs 86K
why the relationship between Margaret and her brother is strained 86K
what Margaret really sees when she looks at her brother 78K
why Margaret was expelled from high school after two years 82K
"I know when I'm older I'm gonna work a lot" 82K
what the San Francisco experience is in Margaret's opinion 58K
"Some people think it's the cable cars, or the sourdough bread.." 77K
what a fan in prison once wrote to Margaret 71K
Margaret's a huge fan of... 68K
the restaurant Hooters is amazing! 68K
"I am not mad!...If I was mad, you would be dead 67K
"Faghags are the backbone of the gay community" 67K
"My brother is such an asshole" 66K
"Bitch! I got x-ray vision. I know you got a dollar and nice titties." 65K
"I am the biggest faghag, ever" 60K
when Margaret isn't around Asians, she has to "find her people" 60K
(as her mother) "Oh you so beautiful, she's so beautiful..what a dyke!" 59K
"As you know by now, I am Korean..." 53K
Margaret talks on her fear of flying 52K
"Hello, my name is Gwen..." 51K
"I have the biggest pubic mound in the whole world" 50K
"She's all like 'namase'; and I'm all like 'pull my finger'" 46K
"Some people are raised by wolves, I was raised by drag queens" 44K
"The smell that takes me back is balls in pantyhose" 33K
"I inherited my father's eyes and my mother's eating disorder" 43K
"I'm not a lesbian, which is a shame because I'm so good at..." 42K
"In 20 years in every movie, I'm going to be the judge, so look out" 42K
"My television show got cancelled and I was so bummed" 36K
"Oh, All American Girl got cancelled..." 41K
"My mother has perfected the art of driving me fucking crazy" 41K
"See, I love to say the word 'faggot' because I am a 'faghag' 41K
"Now that the milk is free we've both become lactose intolerant" 40K
"I know that I'm not a fat person, I just have fat parts" 37K
"I could never sell douche because I do not look fresh at all 35K
(a reviewer once said) "Funny, sexy, zaftig Margaret Cho" 31K
"Should I get up and pee or just pee in the bed?" 31K
(as a lovely older black lady) "But baby, you too fat to fly" 29K
(as a scary make-up artist) "What's my name?" 27K
"What the fuck is wrong with you? You fucking cock!!!" 25K
"Drink vitasoy--is good for you!" 24K
"You think you're hot shit, but you're just cold diarrhea" 24K
(as her former manager) "I think the Asian thing puts people off" 24K
"I'm not a slut; I'm a timesaver" 23K
"Nobody can call me fat on the set!!!" 21K
"I hate you; your house smells like cat pee" 20K
(as a non-English speaker) "Oh no, I dunno" 19K
(as her mother) "You know Koreans don't do that" 18K
(as her mother) "Is he the gay?!" 18K
"Origami piece of shit" 18K
"I just felt like such an asshole" 17K
"That's so cool!" 15K
"Taichi master" 13K
"I'm sure you can relate" 13K
"I'm fucked up" 13K
"Drunk with power" 12K

"One of my first memories, too, was being horrified that I was not white" 349K
"I felt like I don't really have an identity because I can't see it past my family" 143K
talking of her father encouraging to mingle with gays and lesbians 236K
"[the dean] would call me into his office" 132K
"I had these bad girlfriends.." 233K
"we would get liquor.." 114K
talking of her grandfather 201K
Margaret talks of going to visit her grandfather during his last days 278K
"I was really sad when my grandfather died" 120K
"I was really irresponsible...I was really lost" 270K
"they had wanted me to loose weight for the pilot [episode of All America Girl]" 266K
"I thought, 'I wanna do a sit-com'" 218K
"I wanted to do it because I didn't want to go back out on the road" 163K
"my father loved Richard Pryor" 174K
talking of Jerry Seinfeld encouraging her to pursue stand-up 167K
"I started doing my mother character then" 165K
"I worked at a sex store" 165K
"I wanted to do it because I didn't want to go back out on the road" 163K
"my grandparents knew that I was going to be some kind of a problem" 154K
"when I was going on the road [drugs and alcohol] really became an important part of my life" 149K
"I felt like that was the only way I was going to be a star--if I killed myself" 112K
"I realized that I couldn't die; that I had to live" 135K
"I have this responsibility to develop my talent" 132K
"they just could not except that I was expelled" 131K
on her grandmother 128K
talking of her performance in Fakin' Da Funk 120K
"we would get liquor.." 114K
"that was a very famous joke of mine for a long time" 95K
what a club owner told Margaret when she was starting out 93K
"I was performing and I was just so drunk, I could barely stand" 93K
"They were convinced that I was never going to do anything with my life and that I was really lost" 63K
"It was just really a hard time for both of them" 62K

"It's Margaret Cho" song by Skankin' Pickle RealAudio streaming
getting own sit-com; husky (Comedy Showcase) [contributed by Joel] 1.82 MB
not had sex in 2 years; being Korean; Hollywood does drugs; gay friends; seeing The Wall with mom (Comedy Showcase) [contributed by Joel] 2.83 MB
brother; Sunday school; 80s television/music talk (Comedy Showcase) [contributed by Joel] 3.1 MB
racial incidents; being Asian in America (Comedy Showcase) [contributed by Joel] 798K
mom's Clinton joke; mom's brother; doesn't want to grow up; men don't like to go shopping (Pulp Comics) [contributed by Joel] RealAudio streaming
hesitant to marry; spinsterhood; panic in advance (Pulp Comics) [contributed by Joel] RealAudio streaming
mother thinks she's gay; doesn't like sex much; fake quote from Star; get up or pee in bed (Pulp Comics) [contributed by Joel] RealAudio streaming
high school reunion; Assmaster (Pulp Comics) [contributed by Joel] RealAudio streaming
on giving up drinking (from The Daily Show) 173K
"You know, I was very upset when the warden said we could not have a bachelor party" (from Pulp Comics) 50K
"We had to cancel the stripper and you can not get your money back with those women" (from Pulp Comics) 43K
"...fortunately that day there was a new transfer from juvenile hall" (from Pulp Comics) 119K
"I'm sorry, what was that? I wasn't listening--your mustache is so distracting" (from Pulp Comics) 46K
"Now, your pores are reminding me, have you ever been to the Carlsbad Caverns?" (from Pulp Comics) 40K
"I'm Margaret Cho, nice to meet'cha" 21K